The Third Date Rule

Everyone’s heard of it. Some people live by it. Mum’s are disgusted by it. But we all really need to talk about it.

We are a date-centric society. A society in which, reportedly, one in five relationships now begins from online dating. From this, males were 75% more likely to send the first message via their chosen dating app or website. Most singletons in today’s world have toyed with the idea of dating apps and we have taken a more American approach to the romantic scene.

I have an old fashioned view on dating, as do many women. A guy should ask the girl out and make the first moves when it comes to the initial steps in forming a relationship. First kiss / first date locations etc. Is this why it has now become normal for women to feel pressured into putting out on the third date? Because society dictates that when a man is ready, a women should be? I asked many of my guy friends and they stand by the “rules,” that if she puts on on the first date – she’s easy and you won’t want to GF her up. Second date is questionable too – but the third date, if it’s not even on her mind, they will leave the effort and chasing up to her. In my opinion, the third date rule is absolute bullshit and it alarms me that so many people expect us to open our legs on a set number of dates, as opposed to when it feels natural to.

After a quick google of “The Third Date Rule” I came across so many articles and forums in which women were discussing their terror of what would happen if they didn’t sleep with a guy on their third date. Will he stop speaking to me? Will he think I’m not interested? Will I die alone? The truth is girls, personally I believe that the fact a guy has entertained seeing you on three separate occasions does not, by default, give him open access to your vagina. Three dates is nothing and it’s saddening that women believe a nice guy would pie them off if they didn’t sleep with them within a certain time frame. Assuming you’re on a dating site, three dates usually equates to no more than around 15 hours of time with someone. 15 hours with a stranger. It’s perfectly acceptable to have reservations and not feel comfortable yet getting his P in your V. If a dude does go AWOL after a lack of sexy time on a third date, wave that arsehole adieu and be thankful you escaped a selfish, pressurising bastard.


During my online search, I came across a jock from LA named Tom Leykis and I can honestly say, he appears to be one of the most vile human’s I’ve ever internet stalked. He has openly vocalised his opinions of the Third date rule to any shallow chauvinist who would listen, advising that “If a women won’t have sex with you after three dates, dump per. She’s not worth investing any more time in.” Now I’d like to point out, I’m utterly shocked that this man has managed to have sex at any time judging by his views and general appearance (think, overweight hobo) but even more so that he had his own god damn show at one stage where he was free to spout such utter shite. Since when can someone dictate when someone is ready to have sex with someone for the first time? And since when is someone allowed to decide someone’s WORTH because of when they decide to put out? Women get enough of a hard time as it is. If you sleep with someone on the first date you’re a hoe – if you don’t sleep with them by the third date, apparently you’re not worthy of any more time. GIVE US A FUCKING BREAK. Noone, male or female, should feel pressured by societies views on when the perfect time to get down and dirty is.


I am in no way “slut-shaming,” here. If you want to sleep with someone on the first date – go for it. If you believe the third date rule works for you – continue what you’re doing. But my point is, this third date rule isn’t a rule that everyone should pressured to conform to. Do what you want to do, when it feels right, and don’t feel influenced by someone’s demands or beliefs of what’s acceptable to do at each stage of your dating life. Dating should be fun and exciting – not pressurising. Everyone is looking for something, and if you want a relationship, do you really want it to be with someone who made you feel bad for not sleeping with them on the third date? Let nature and fate take over – don’t overthink it, and ultimately, do what makes you happy.




3 Comments Add yours

  1. My boyfriend and I met online. He’s far from prude, but he kissed me on our sixth date, about two months in. I mean, we groped each other and he got my shirt off, but it was pretty much hand holding andown hugs for the first two months. We didn’t sleep together for six more.


    1. Exactly my point/ whatever works for you as an individual! Good on you x


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