The question dreaded by so many twenty something’s…
“So What are we?
And so comes the hot sweats, the teeth grinding and the inevitable ghosting / escapist loo run. The one question that, for some reason, today’s twenty something dating pool fear hearing, and prefer to avoid ever asking. 4 words that can right there and then, stop a relationship in it’s tracks- leaving one party wishing the train would hit them, and the other wishing they’d got on a different train all together.
We are the so called “Hit it and quit it generation.” Generation Netflix and Chill. A rally of sad, lonely singles who accept poor penis and non committal chats, all for the occasional Friday night of spooning and forking. The Friday nights that make us feel sightly better about not yet having met Mr/Mrs right, but ultimately solidify the fact we are yearning for more. The conundrum is real. A generation renowned for idealizing real relationships like our grandparent’s had, yet one that refuse to utter the necessary words that lead to such a seeming fantasy.
The chill cult phenomena didn’t grow out of nothing. Thanks to house prices soaring and jobs barely covering rent, priorities have shifted and we are more focused on career and socializing than settling down young (soz mum, no babies anytime soon.) Renting is more socially accepted (because noone can afford to do anything but, currently) and so of course our lives are years behind the previous generation’s. It’s unsuprising we are all settling down later. Working longer hours, having less money has meant we all crave the Friday night blow outs more than longing for a house, husbands and kids. At the heart of it, “Chilling,” is well intentioned. We deserve our time as we work so god damn hard, and we don’t want anymore pressure on our already hectic lives. Unfortunately, we’ve taken it too far and given each other un-accountability for any of our actions. We’ve villanized those craving more, branding them controlling or naggy and made ourselves emotionally unavailable. Under the surface of the chill cult, we’re all starving for a bigger connection and uninhibited devotion- but are too terrified to see what would happen if we just stop texting the fuck boys and told the decent fella’s what we’re really after.
Personally, after reading “He’s Just Not That Into You,” at the ripe age of 15, (Cheers Glamour magazine: awesome freebie BTW) I am of the group of females that believe if a dude digs you and your awesomeness, he will indeed make the effort and make it clear it’s just you he’s after. Despite mainly growing out of my 15 year old beliefs (thank the lord,) my brain still tells me it isn’t the girls role to ask where something is going or make a situation offish. It’s his. Not a bad way to be- I appreciate that although may have missed out of some opportunities for being too quick to pie someone, I also have never been fucked around, so no heart ache for moi at least. I am the precise type of twenty something I am moaning about. One scared to become vulnerable, yet one wants more than just a few casual drink dates. Perhaps the solution to the problem is to put yourself out there more and stop being so god damn proud. I’ll try and work on it, I promise, but no amount of boredom or insecurity should make you consider those Friday night texts at 1am (#bootaycall). Don’t accept a dude that blows hot and cold or makes you feel like small. Respect your emotions and walk away if he’s not stepping up when you want or need at that time. Enjoy just getting the D if that’s what you want, but if you’re not entirely sure why you feel a little bit shit in the morning, it’s probably because the chill cult is no longer for you.